Sporty’s Hot New Products for April 1st

Editor’s Note: Happy April Fools’ Day.

The World’s Largest Pilot Shop is celebrating April 1^st with the release of these amazing new products. Developed by Sporty’s team of expert pilots, each product was hand-picked for this special day.

Sporty’s 2015 Christmas Ornament is…..

the stealth fighter.  That’s right!  Not since the P-51 has an airplane changed the way our military approaches air-to-air combat. This ornament portrays the stealth’s most important feature: invisible to radar.

But wait, THERE’S MORE! Act now and preorder the stealth fighter 2015 ornament and we’ll give the stealth bomber ornament, a $29.99 value, absolutely free. That’s right, two stealth ornaments – the fighter and the bomber – for only $29.99! Just pay separate processing and shipping.

The Tourniquet Kneeboard

You’re flying along and your foot falls off…WHAT DO YOU DO? Not to worry because you have this innovative new product: the tourniquet kneeboard! It’s a kneeboard and a tourniquet in one simple design! Why carry two separate devices when this amazing product can serve both purposes? Simply attach the kneeboard to your leg. If you’re suffering massive blood loss, spin the kneeboard in a clockwise direction to restrict the flow of blood through your leg.

Indestructible Tie Down Kit

Are you tired of wimpy tie downs at rural airports?  Say NO to frayed ropes and permanent restraints with this indestructible tie down kit.  Each kit includes a bucket, one bag of concrete mix, and a 10’ chain. They are highly portable and easily fit into the baggage compartment of a Boeing 747. Water sold separately.

The Time the FAA Got It Right

This best-selling book is hot off the press. After decades of thorough research, author and CFI Purdy Crazee compiled a comprehensive review of every time the FAA got it right. “I spent many sleepless nights sifting though years of data to make this book 100% accurate,” says Mr. Crazee. This is a limited edition printing so order now before they are gone. The paperback edition is approximately two pages in length including the cover and back cover.

Flight Instructor Reinforcement Wand

Did you ever have that student who could not perform steep turns perfectly on the first attempt? Correct this unacceptable behavior with the Flight Instructor Reinforce Wand. No more whining, no more complaining! One jolt from this wand will have them thinking twice before drifting off altitude or airspeed. Fine print: batteries sold separately. Human use prohibited.

By now you’ve probably realized that these are not real products. Happy April Fool’s Day! Care to add to our list of outrageous items?